Life In Drag

I tried to keep a steady hand.
tumble blocks.
start again.
I held your side when you let go
and you came back well rehearsed in holding-your-own.

A broken seal
a past self known.
Retrieve my heart from the Alamo.
I need it here to touch your skin,
reconfigure,
deconstruct,
and begin.

The centers shrunk between your eyes.
Sharper Corners/Broader Sides.
and i felt weak
in woman's wear
genderfucked, dilated, stuck holding a stare.

You taught me how to guard myself,
to keep my heart unscathed
in health.
I think you got carried away.
Reached out your hand,
It carried you
away.

Well it's life in drag.
You wore an armor that covered your face.
It's life in drag.
I wore hands high to show truce and embracing.
It's life in drag.

Who taught you how to hate yourself?
Who forced you to confide in spell?
I mistook "pathetic" for empathy.
Cast a stone at the foe
and the stone hit me.

I held your hand in ritual to show disarming
while you were a weapon inside yourself
inside your body.
I can't pretend
I can't concealed my apprehension.
While pressed against the callous of your palm
I reconciled
because you couldn't feel me there.

You wore binary like a badge of armor
While I struggled dealing with the loss of yet another
life in drag.