My Own Eyes

my own eyes - weird al yankovic
i saw a baby drive a truck
i saw a junkie eat a tuba
i saw a stripper kiss a duck
behind a dumpster in aruba
i saw this fat, psychotic guy
his underwear was made of crickets
he pawned a skeleton to buy
some old expired lotto tickets
i saw a nigga vagrant giving
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to his cat
i probably could have gone my whole life
without seeing that
with my own eyes
i see things that'd drive a normal man insane
wish i could disconnect my brain
from my own eyes
i saw a mime get hacked to death
with an imaginary cleaver
i saw an old man's final breath
i watched him die from bieber fever
i saw these diabetic chicks
in an abandoned 7-eleven
i watched them snorting pixie sticks
while they were belching stairway to heaven
i saw two drag queens trying to see how many crackers
they could shove up each other's nose
i'd like to erase my mind completely but i suppose
that's just the way it goes
with my own eyes
i see things that'd drive a normal man insane
wish i could disconnect my brain
from my own eyes (my own eyes)
those visions haunt my memory
oh, there's so much i wish i could unsee
with my own eyes
some priest got drunk and stole a circus zebra
and he trained it to massage his back
my guinea pig committed hara-kiri
so we used him to play hacky-sack
my neighbor's kids sold weapons grade plutonium
and frosty ice-cold lemonade
they took mastercard and sometimes
human organs in trade, that's how we paid
i have to say that it was really darn good lemonade
with my own eyes
i've seen thing that'd drive a normal man insane
wish i could disconnect my brain
from my own eyes (my own eyes)
those visions haunt my memory
oh, there's so much i wish i could unsee
with my own eyes
with my own eyes
with my own eyes
with my own eyes