Aaron Burr, Sir

COMPANY
1776. New York City.
HAMILTON
Pardon me. Are you Aaron Burr, sir?
BURR
That depends. Who’s asking?
HAMILTON
Oh, well, sure, sir,
I’m Alexander Hamilton, I’m at your service,
sir.
I have been looking for you.
BURR
I’m getting nervous.
HAMILTON
Sir…
I heard your name at Princeton. I was seeking
an accelerated course of study when I got sort
of out of sorts with a buddy of yours. I may
have punched him. It’s a blur, sir. He handles
the financials?
BURR
You punched the bursar.
HAMILTON
Yes!
I wanted to do what you did. Graduate in two,
then join the revolution. He looked at me like I
was stupid, I’m not stupid.
So how’d you do it? How’d you graduate
so fast?
BURR
It was my parents’ dying wish before they
passed.
HAMILTON
You’re an orphan. Of course! I’m an orphan.
God, I wish there was a war!
Then we could prove that we’re worth more
than anyone bargained for…
BURR
Can I buy you a drink?
HAMILTON
That would be nice.
BURR
While we’re talking, let me offer you some
free advice.
Talk less.
HAMILTON
What?
BURR
Smile more.
HAMILTON
Ha.
BURR
Don’t let them know what you’re against or
what you’re for.
HAMILTON
You can’t be serious.
BURR
You wanna get ahead?
HAMILTON
Yes.
BURR
Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead.
LAURENS
Yo yo yo yo yo!
What time is it?
LAURENS/LAFAYETTE/MULLIGAN
Show time!
BURR
…like I said…
LAURENS
Show time! Show time! Yo!
I’m John Laurens in the place to be!
Two pints o’ Sam Adams, but I’m workin’ on
three, uh!
Those redcoats don’t want it with me!
Cuz I will pop chick-a pop these cops till
I’m free!
LAFAYETTE
Oui oui, mon ami, je m’appelle Lafayette!
The Lancelot of the revolutionary set!
I came from afar just to say “Bonsoir!”
Tell the King “Casse toi!” Who’s the best?
C’est moi!
MULLIGAN
Brrrah brraaah! I am Hercules Mulligan,
Up in it, lovin’ it, yes I heard ya mother said
“Come again?”
Lock up ya daughters and horses, of course
it’s hard to have intercourse over four sets
of corsets…
LAURENS
No more sex, pour me another brew, son!
Let’s raise a couple more…
LAURENS/LAFAYETTE/MULLIGAN
To the revolution!
LAURENS
Well, if it ain’t the prodigy of Princeton
college!
MULLIGAN
Aaron Burr!
LAURENS
Give us a verse, drop some knowledge!
BURR
Good luck with that: you’re takin’ a stand.
You spit. I’m ‘a sit. We’ll see where we land.
LAFAYETTE/MULLIGAN
Boooo!
LAURENS
Burr, the revolution’s imminent. What do
you stall for?
HAMILTON
If you stand for nothing, Burr, what’ll you
fall for?