The Election Of 1800

FULL COMPANY
The election of 1800.
JEFFERSON
Can we get back to politics?
MADISON
Please?
JEFFERSON
Yo. Ev’ry action has an equal, opposite
reaction.
John Adams shat the bed. I love the guy, but
he’s in traction.
Poor Alexander Hamilton? He is missing in
action.
So now I’m facing—
JEFFERSON AND MADISON
Aaron Burr!
JEFFERSON
With his own faction.
MADISON
He’s very attractive in the North. New Yorkers
like his chances.
JEFFERSON
He’s not very forthcoming on any particular
stances.
MADISON
Ask him a question: it glances off, he
obfuscates, he dances.
JEFFERSON
And they say I’m a Francophile: at least they
know I know where France is!
MADISON
Thomas that’s the problem, see, they see Burr
as a less extreme you.
JEFFERSON
Ha!
MADISON
You need to change course, a key
endorsement might redeem you.
JEFFERSON
Who did you have in mind?
MADISON
Don’t laugh.
JEFFERSON
Who is it?
MADISON
You used to work on the same staff.
JEFFERSON
Whaaaat.
MADISON
It might be nice, it might be nice
to get Hamilton on your side.
JEFFERSON AND MADISON
It might be nice, it might be nice
To get Hamilton on your side.
BURR
Talk less! ENSEMBLE
Burr!
Smile more!
Burr!
Don’t let ‘em know
what you’re against
or what you’re for!
Burr!
Shake hands with
him!
Burr!
Charm her!
Burr!
It’s eighteen hundred,
ladies, tell your
husbands: vote for
Burr! Burr!
MALE VOTER
I don’t like Adams.
FEMALE VOTER
Well, he’s gonna lose, that’s just defeatist.
ANOTHER MALE VOTER
And Jefferson–
TWO MEN
In love with France!
ANOTHER FEMALE VOTER
Yeah, he’s so elitist!
TWO WOMEN
I like that Aaron Burr!
A WOMAN
I can’t believe we’re here with him!
A MAN
He seems approachable…?
ANOTHER MALE VOTER
Like you could grab a beer with him!
ENSEMBLE
Dear Mr. Hamilton: your fellow Fed’ralists
would like to know how you’ll be voting.
HAMILTON
It’s quiet uptown.
ENSEMBLE
Dear Mr. Hamilton: John Adams doesn’t stand
a chance, so who are you promoting?
HAMILTON
It’s quiet uptown.
MEN
Jefferson or Burr? WOMEN
Jefferson or Burr?
We know it’s
lose-lose.
We know it’s lose-lose.
Jefferson or Burr?
Jefferson or Burr?
But if you had to
choose
But if you had to
choose
EVEN MORE
VOTERS MEN
Dear Mr.
Hamilton:
Jefferson or
Burr? WOMEN
Jefferson or
Burr?
John Adams
doesn’t
stand a
We know it’s
lose-lose.
We know it’s
lose-lose.
chance so
who are you
promoting?
Jefferson or
Burr? Jefferson or
Burr?
But if you had
to choose
But if you had
to choose
But if you had
to choose
HAMILTON
Well, if it isn’t Aaron Burr. Sir!
BURR
Alexander!
HAMILTON
You’ve created quite a stir, sir!
BURR
I’m going door to door!
HAMILTON
You’re openly campaigning?
BURR
Sure!
HAMILTON
That’s new.
BURR
Honestly, it’s kind of draining.
HAMILTON
Burr–
BURR
Sir!
HAMILTON
Is there anything you wouldn’t do?
BURR
No. I’m chasing what I want.
And you know what?
HAMILTON
What?
BURR
I learned that from you.
ENSEMBLE
If you had to choose
If you had to choose
MADISON
It’s a tie!
ENSEMBLE
If you had to choose
If you had to choose
JEFFERSON
It’s up to the delegates!
ENSEMBLE
If you had to choose
If you had to choose
JEFFERSON/MADISON
It’s up to Hamilton!
VOTERS MADISON/
ENSEMBLE
ENSEMBLE
If you had to
choose,
If you had to
choose,
Jefferson or
Burr?
If you had to Jefferson or
Burr?
Choose, Choose, Choose,
Choose, Choose, Choose,
Choose! Choose! Choose!
HAMILTON
Yo.
ENSEMBLE
Oh!
HAMILTON
The people are asking to hear my voice
ENSEMBLE
Oh!
HAMILTON
For the country is facing a difficult choice.
ENSEMBLE
Oh!
HAMILTON
And if you were to ask me who I’d promote –
ENSEMBLE
Oh!
HAMILTON
–Jefferson has my vote.
JEFFERSON/MADISON/ENSEMBLE
Oh!
HAMILTON
I have never agreed with Jefferson once.
JEFFERSON/MADISON/ENSEMBLE
Oh!
HAMILTON
We have fought on like seventy-five diff’rent
fronts.
JEFFERSON/MADISON/ENSEMBLE
Oh!
JEFFERSON/MADISON/ENSEMBLE
But when all is said and all is done,
Jefferson has beliefs. Burr has none.
ENSEMBLE
Oooooooooooooh.
MADISON AND JEFFERSON
Well, I’ll be damned.
Well, I’ll be damned.
MADISON
Hamilton’s on your side.
ENSEMBLE
Well, I’ll be damned.
Well, I’ll be damned.
JEFFERSON
And?
MADISON
You won in a landslide.
BURR
Congrats on a race well-run.
I did give you a fight.
JEFFERSON
Uh-huh.
BURR
I look forward to our partnership.
JEFFERSON
Our partnership?
BURR
As your vice-President.
JEFFERSON
Ha. Yeah, right.
You hear this guy? Man openly campaigns
against me, talkin’ bout, “I look forward to
our partnership.”
MADISON
It’s crazy that the guy who comes in second
becomes vice President.
JEFFERSON
Yeah, you know what? We can change that.
You know why?
MADISON
Why?
JEFFERSON
‘cuz I’m the President. Hey, Burr, when you see
Hamilton, thank him for the endorsement.