Ol' Rosco

Have you seen ol' Rosco
He likes to drink when he drives
Have you seen ol' Rosco
I wouldn't be a bit surprised
If he's out there now
Driving like mad
Swerving and weaving
Thinks he's a model dad
Like a bastard he's grinning
With teeth full of bugs
Headin' home from the brewery
The old lunch time chug-a-lug

Have you seen ol' Rosco
He doesn't think when he drives
Have you seen ol' Rosco
I am a bit surprised
That they haven't nailed him
For drivin' like a fool
Except maybe that one time
Drivin' his daughter home from dancin' school
You see the caught him red-nose slurring
He blew a .09
Made his wife come and get him
Paid him a 200 dollar fine

Have you seen ol' Rosco
He's too damn drunk to drive
Seen him pissin' in the bathroom
That's when he gave me the evil eye
I said, "Boy I think you had too many
Why don't you give up them keys?"
He told me to mind my business
Said he's, said he's gonna do as he damn well please
So I ordered hot coffee
An an Oly on tap
I put the Oly to my lips
Then I poured the hot coffee in his lap

Have you seen ol' Rosco
He wasn't supposed to drive
He left here three hours ago
His wife says he never arrived
He could be out there bleedin'
In the bottom of some ditch
Some say it serves him right
The selfish sons-a-bitch
But this time he went head on
With a purple PT Cruiser
Came out without a scratch
That's the dumb luck of a boozer

Have you seen ol' Rosco
They say he's lucky to be alive
As for the driver of the Cruiser
I'm told she may not survive
And she's the mother of three
Well, two for sure
See, the one in her belly
Had to be taken premature

Now Rosco feels bad
Afraid he might get sued
Good thing he's incorporated
You see, not as much risk to lose
Have you seen ol' Rosco
Now they won't let him drive
His son takes him bar hopping
He slips some drinks on the side
His wife's always bragging
How he ain't drank in a while
Just afternoon nappin'

Life's great in denial
Life's great in denial