Cemetery Polka

Cemetery Polka

 

 Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon, independent as a hog on ice

 He's a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse

 Plays accordion for Mr. Weiss

 

 Uncle Biltmore and Uncle William

 Made a million during World War Two

 But they're tightwads and they're cheapskates

 And they'll never give a dime to you

 

 Auntie Mame has gone insane

 She lives in the doorway of an old hotel

 And the radio is playing opera

 All she ever says is "Go to hell"

 

 Uncle Violet flew as a pilot

 And there ain't no pretty girls in France

 Now he runs a tiny little bookie joint

 They say he never keeps it in his pants

 

 Uncle Bill will never leave a will

 And the tumor is as big as an egg

 He has a mistress, she's Puerto Rican

 And I heard she has a wooden leg

 

 Uncle Phil can't live without his pills

 He has emphysema and he's almost blind

 And we must find out where the money is

 Get it now before he loses his mind

 

 Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon, independent as a hog on ice

 He's a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse

 He plays accordion for Mr. Weiss